Why does it happen?
On occasion, the best plans are laid to waste. Although all our dreams and hopes in the beginning, and all our excellent purpose now. It seems cannot maintain our marriage. It has become an anachronism for many of us with the concept in the twentieth-century of “till death do us part”. Few of us question the concept, at least intellectually, of moving on, if life becomes too painful, with too many battles and battle scars.
Constantly, Dr. Baris say that hurt is simply impossible to get beyond which has been engendered over the years —slightly in the background of your current relationship. Despite therapy, anger cannot be resolved, it could be time to let go if people harbor deep, abiding anger.
One or both partners might start to lose respect for the relationship and a spouse, even in the absence of anger. It might indicate the end as well. For example, one couple we know, they divorced after the husband made some poor investments. He lost his business and the family home. The woman said she could no longer remain married to someone for whom she had “no respect, although she insisted she bore no anger. In another example, a man met his wife in the fiction-writing workshop at the University of Iowa. He divorced his wife after she gave up her artistic career for a high-paying job at a public relations firm.
Constantly, people divorce because they grow up. In a traditional marriage, a couple from the Chicago area spent 25 years. He went off to work, his wife stayed home in the role of homemaker. They had two children, house, and cars. The couple had untold hours to spend together, focusing not on child or family issues but on each other when the youngest child left for college. And they found they had little in common. It is simply boring to her for his involvement in business and marketing. And he couldn’t relate to her international travel and in gourmet cooking. It had become widely divergent with their taste in movies and even friends. There were also no affairs and no long-simmering anger or hatred issues. His arrow pointed east and hers west when both people reached this new crossroad, marked by the departure of their children.
With relationships of much shorter duration, younger people often reach this juncture as well. People might find they have gone through enormous changes during the relationship and have grown apart when they get married too young. They would not make the same marriage choice today when they’ve simply gone through more personal development; they have a stronger sense of identity and in light of that. Commonly, the decision to divorce is mutual in such cases. Especially if they don’t have any children, these people can walk away from the marriage without feeling particularly angry. Both of them just shrug their shoulders and throw up their hands, then say “This doesn’t work.”
When Is It Over?
When putting your relationship together again is simply too much of a stretch, how do you know when you’ve finally reached the point of no return? Certainly, in the end, personal is the best answer. It might be time to let go if your answers to the following questions are irrefutable “yes,”
- Does it, evolve into a fight in every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial?
- Do your spouse and you constantly refer to upsetting events in the past?
- Is not any the respect gone from your relationship? Do you think that it is hopeless to bring that respect back?
- Have your directions changed and goals whereas your partners have stayed the same? (Or vice versa.)
- Is your partner no longer caring for your singular growth?
- Have both of you and your partner changed so much that you no longer share ethical, moral, or lifestyle values?
- Have you and your spouse no longer the art of compromise? Are you unable to forge a path together that is acceptable to both when you disagree?
- Do you feel completely unattracted to each other? Despite help from professional therapists, have you stopped making love? Do your spouse and you have a basic sexual mismatch?